Or at least, I think it is.
Legend of Zelda: Tri Force Heroes, the newest installation in the Legend of Zelda series, released in North America for the 3DS on October 23rd.
Anyway, there is a Zelda pun that has been going around the Internet for Din knows how many years. It has a bunch of variations on it, but ultimately, it is simply deplorable. Ready? All right; here we go.
Q: What did Zelda say to Link when he couldn’t open the door? A: Try force!
or
Q: What did Navi say when Link couldn’t open the door? A: Triforce!
or
Q: What did Zelda tell Link when he couldn’t open the door? A: Triforce.
or
Link could not open the door so navi told him to try force (triforce) [sic]
or
Link ” I can’t open the door.” Navi “why don’t you just try force.” Link ” O~o ” [sic]
or
Link tries to open a locked door and cannot find a key anywhere.. Navi pipes up and says, “Hey, triforce.” [sic]
or
Link: I can’t figure out how to open this door!
Navi: maybe you should try force? [sic]
or
When Link couldn’t open the door, Zelda said,” Tri force.” [sic]
or
Link: Zelda, help me push this door. Zelda: Try force.
or
link: i cant get in the door to rescue zelda. zelda: triforce [sic]
or
What did Zelda say to link when he couldnt pull out the master Sword? Triforce! [sic]
or
can’t budge that gate? Did you TriForce? [sic]
Yes. Like I said, this pun is simply deplorable. Sick of it, aren’t you? Well, there are plenty more variations. *gags* Some bloody, evil douchebag even suggested raping Zelda through this pun. In my opinion, no self-respecting Zelda fan should ever use this pun.
Anyway, the newest Zelda game is called “Tri Force Heroes“. I really, really don’t think they put that space there randomly. What’s next? “Legend of Zelda: Too Many Links“? That’s why Ganondorf doesn’t use the Internet and hates the Internet, by the way. *gags again*
And since we’re on the subject of Tri Force Heroes, let’s talk about the Timeline. What in the world kind of decision was it to put it in the friggin’ Downfall Timeline? I mean, that’s all right inherently, but…right after A Link Between Worlds??? Basically, they want you to believe that after this game…
This guy…
disguises himself as this guy.
That’s the rubbish they’re trying to feed you. That’s a reeeeaally good disguise. I mean, changing the color of his eyes, the shape of his eyes, his hair color, and his height? Thorough. Oh, and the color of his undershirt. He changed that from brown to green. Because everybody knows it’s not the shirt that people remember; it’s the undershirt. Remember that, because you may need to disguise yourself someday. Here’s a juxtaposition, to highlight the ridiculousness of this.
This guy↘
←is this guy.
I don’t know what you think you’re playing at, Nintendo, but I’m not fooled.
Just to clarify fully, Nintendo’s official statement is that after “events unknown”, the Link of A Link Between Worlds leaves Hyrule and disguises himself n the Bear Minimum Outfit in order to hide his heroic origins, but is still recognized by the people of Hytopia because of his pointy ears and sideburns. Well that doesn’t take much.
Pfft. Julie Gagnon was right.
And there are a few other Timeline oddities here, too. For instance: the Kokiri Outfit.
This is more important than it looks. Do you realize that the Kokiri race has only appeared in two games? That’s Ocarina of Time and Wind Waker. Even then, the latter only features one true Kokiri.
If this is true, then why the hey is there a reference to the tribe in the Downfall Timeline? This is very weird stuff. And look at the actual outfit- it has changed subtly. The hat is frayed/pointed, for example. Personally, I believe that there are two Kokiri, really three, that we’ve all been, to use the common phrase, “sleeping on”, in the Downfall Timeline. Who? The two lumberjacks of A Link to the Past, A. Bumpkin and B. Bumpkin. Oh, and their brother Q. Bumpkin.
I’m not just talking rubbish here. Number one: they have pointed ears, and they seem to have brown hair, although it is very hard to see; a trait shared by nearly all Kokiri males. Second of all, they habitually wear green, a habit shared only by select few character in the Zelda universe, but prominently among which include the Kokiri. Third, they look very young. Members of the Kokiri race look eternally youthful, no matter how long they live. A Link to the Past takes place a good few years after Ocarina of Time. Fourth: their location. It is significant. They live in a house on the very edge of the Lost Woods. A place sometimes visited by the Kokiri in Ocarina of Time. The two Lumberjacks often spend their time cutting trees in the Lost Woods.
And the fifth thing. The word for “Lumberjack” in Japanese is “Kikori“. (木樵). Very similar to “Kokiri”. (コキリ)
In conclusion, I believe that the two lumberjacks (three if you go by the Game Boy Advance remake) are the last remnant of the Kokiri race seen in the Downfall Timeline. Sad, really. But why is the definitive Kokiri garb showing up hundreds of years after their first game? *Sniff sniff* I SMELL NON-CANON!!!1111!
Also, the Tingle Outfit.
First of all, why would anybody in their right mind want to dress up like Tingle?
<implying
Even Tingle doesn’t want to look like Tingle.
Anyway, the reference to Tingle is strange also. Fun fact: for some mad reason, Tingle does appear in the Downfall Timeline. Specifically, in Oracle of Ages.
Welp, guess I’m not playing that game anymore…
JKLOL. Anyway, it may be just the limited color palette at play here, but it doesn’t seem like this iteration of Tingle is wearing his trademark clock (heh, Tingle Flav) or his red trunks. This version doesn’t even have Tingle use his balloons. So why is the Tri Force Heroes costume referencing a Tingle variant that doesn’t exist in this Timeline? I’ll tell you why: Tingle can time travel.
Think about it. He appears in Skyward Sword (albeit as a plushie) and Minish Cap, very early in the Timeline. He then proceeds to appear in Majora’s Mask, and then Four Swords Adventures. Oh, and in Oracle of Ages. And The Wind Waker, of course. In almost all his appearances, he states his age to be the exact same thing: 35. In every appearance. Don’t you think it a very weird coincidence that he states he’s exactly 35 years old in every appearance where he states his age?
Not only is he capable of time traveling, but he can also generate doppelgangers. How does he go about these dastardly deeds, you may ask? Well, let’s just say that stupid clock he wears isn’t just for decoration. Also, if you’ll notice, between Majora’s Mask and Wind Waker, the position of the clock’s hands has changed. In this costume, even, the position of the clock’s hands has changed.
Finally, the Goron Outfit.
If you don’t already know, that’s not an ordinary Goron being depicted. No, that’s a costume of Darunia.
Yes, the Goron Patriarch that only appeared in Ocarina of Time. So what’s this costume doing all the way down here in the Downfall Timeline? Moreover, all the Outfits are supposed to contain someone’s soul…so how is that possible? *Sniff sniff* I STILL SMELL NON-CANON!!!1!1!
What do you think of that terrible pun? What about the Timeline oddities? Please Like if you enjoyed, and leave a comment!
Ma’am…I need you to learn how to spell “intensify” correctly…
thelinguistgamer 